


Death By A Thousand Cuts

by BlairIsTired



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Civil War Fix-It, I'm Sorry, Italian Tony Stark, M/M, Prompt Fic, Tony Stark Gets a Hug, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-09
Updated: 2019-11-09
Packaged: 2021-01-26 09:27:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21371893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlairIsTired/pseuds/BlairIsTired
Summary: Twitter Prompt: "Imagine if Steve hugged Tony in Siberia instead of fighting back."
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 9
Kudos: 261





	Death By A Thousand Cuts

**Author's Note:**

> This is about Tony getting the empathy he deserves.
> 
> This is for Han, whomst I adore. (@mystarisfading) on Twitter.  
Prompt from (@stebetont) on Twitter.

He was cold. The suit had heaters, he'd made sure of that but god he was so, so cold. Ice ran through his stomach as he watched the video, looked down at that road he'd never been brave enough to actually visit. He'd poured over the pictures though, years ago.

_"I know that road."_

His father, always proud, back held straight and shoulders back, never backing down and surely never pleading-

On his knees, crawling in the dirt. A hand, unfeeling and unapologetic pulled his head back.

_"Sergeant Barnes?"_

Barnes didn't react. He pulled his arm back and struck. One. Two. Three. Howard was gone. 

_"Howard." _

Tony closed his eyes, briefly. But he had to see. He thought he saw Steve shift in the corner of his eye, almost like he wanted to come closer. Tony ignored him. 

Ice, sharp and painful rolled down his spine as he watched his mother, his mamma, his madre. She had blood running down one side of her face and she was so obviously terrified, distraught and absolutely heartbroken. The soldier threw Howard's body, broken and twisted, into the drivers seat beside her. He could see her choke on her words. Usually eloquent, grief choked her. 

And then he reached inside and killed her. Howard had the luxury of a relatively quick death but his madre, no. She was suffocated. He knew, as he always did when these things happened, that he would see her eyes in his dreams the next time he slept. Her silent gasping, the blue tint to her lips. He knew what it felt like to suffocate. Afghanistan taught him all about it. The thought of her going through the same pain, the same fear. The darkness as it slowly crept over your vision, the burning in your lungs. It was too much. 

Time seemed to slow down as he turned to them. The man who lied and the man who killed his parents. Suddenly that cold and overwhelming grief turned into hot rage and Steve was talking but Tony didn't care about what he had to say because how dare he? How could he?

He knew. No one knows how Tony hurts. But Steve, he knew. He knew because Tony told him, many months ago in the tower. Late at night when dreams of cold, suffocating water kept them both awake. The Arctic for Steve and Afghanistan for Tony. Such different circumstances and yet neither of them liked the feel of cold water on their faces and Tony had thought they'd bonded, how funny he was to be so wrong. He thought Steve cared but maybe Tony was wrong. He only cared about protecting the man who killed his madre.

He made a quick move towards Barnes and in his peripheral he saw Steve go to grab for him.

_"Tony, Tony!"_

He whipped around and Steve grabbed his arm, desperate. Tony was too distracted to care.

_"Did you know?"_

_"I didn't know it was him."_

_"Don't bullshit me!"_

Then, Tony stared at him with a strange almost empty look. As if the flickering emotions of confusion and grief and anger had left him more exhausted than any battle ever could. He looked, if only for a moment, tired. And so, so painfully vulnerable. Steve never wanted to see him like this.

_"Rogers, did you know?"_

_"Yes"_

The slightest of nods, before chaos. In what seemed like only half a second the face-plate was up and Tony hit Steve hard enough that he fell to the ground. Barnes lifted his rifle, and a fight ensued.

"Bucky, no!" Steve stood just as Bucky's rifle was blown out of his hands. He was flipped onto his back, a repulsor in his face.

"Tony please, he's my friend." 

And Tony paused. Pain, badly concealed with an angry tone, "So was I."

The gauntlet charged up, the tell tale whine of it loud in that moment. Steve had two options. The two most important people in his life were fighting and for the life of him he knew he couldn't choose a side. He knew he could never hurt Tony, not for this. Not like this, when Tony was in pain. When it was his own fault for keeping secrets. How could he punish Tony for that? But if he didn't act, it might end in Bucky's death and he couldn't. Not when he'd just gotten him back. 

So he sprinted towards the armor's back, one hand grabbing the arm with the charged repulsor. He pushed the gauntlet down just in time for it to go off next to Bucky's head. He pulled Tony towards himself and said what he should've already said a thousand times. 

"I'm sorry. God, Tony, I'm so sorry." Pulling Tony towards his chest was easy for a moment, until the shock wore off and Tony started struggling. A metal elbow to the ribs knocked the breath out of him but he just sank to his knees, dragging the armor and Tony with him. 

He repeated himself, knowing it wasn't enough but not knowing what else to say, to do. 

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry Tony, please." 

Bucky had scrambled away and was reaching for his rifle, Steve gave him a look over Tony's shoulder. Picking up a weapon would only make it worse. Reluctantly Bucky didn't touch it, but he stayed close. 

Tony continued to struggle so Cap gripped him tighter, arms around his chest and shoulders but he heard the metal of the armor creak so he reflexively loosened his hold and that was a mistake because Tony took that split second of opportunity and immediately twisted around to fire into Steve's chest, sliding him across cold concrete.

"Don't." He snarled, going to stand. 

Steve slid to his feet and charged. He crashed into the armor, Tony took this as an attack and went to uppercut him but he ducked, grabbing his forearms and looking into the blank face-plate, wishing he could see Tony's eyes, his face. He tries to convey his regret in his eyes as much as his tone. "Tony, stop. Please I-" A gauntlet is jerked out of his hold, charged and aimed at the side of his face but he pays no mind to it. He just transfers his grip, a hand to the back of Tony's neck, moving closer, chest to chest with the armor. 

He looks at him, imploringly. "Talk to me, Tony pl-" Suddenly the helmet melts into the rest of the armor, quick and liquid. Tony's eyes are glassy but he snaps a quick, "Why?"

It's disorienting. The anger in his face doesn't match the broken voice he speaks in. It's...almost innocent. Pure. It's Tony. It's the voice he used on those rare occasions that he shared what happened in his nightmares, what caused them. Slowly, his face crumbles. The anger melts away into something much worse, something broken. 

Steve doesn't know how to fix it, so he just pulls Tony close. Presses his face into his hair and Tony's hands come up to his chest as if to push him away. Instead he grabs onto Steve's suit and buries his face in his shoulder with another strangled "Why?"

And Steve doesn't have an answer for him. At least not a good one. When faced with the aftermath of his decisions, his reasoning suddenly aren't enough. He just pulls Tony closer against his chest and says "I wish I hadn't." 

It's not enough. Tony definitely deserves a better explanation but Steve feels warm wetness on his neck as Tony finally breaks down. Quietly, Steve tries to explain. It feels so much like excuses it hurts but Tony deserves to hear something.

"I wanted to protect you. I wanted to protect Bucky. I didn't want you to hurt anymore than you already do."

Quietly, but firmly Tony says "That was never your call to make."

"No, it wasn't." Steve feels like hanging his head in shame but Tony deserves the respect of looking him in his face when he pulls back just enough to see him, just enough to say, "I didn't mean to hurt you. Tony I'm just...sorry." He wants to wince, he'd never been great at words and even worse at apologies. Tony looks up at him, eyes red and just so very sad and tired. 

"God you're such an ass." He huffs out a laugh and looks away. Steve smiles softly at him, he can already see Tony's walls building back up. He pulls him close again and Tony makes a surprised little noise before sighing and letting himself be held. 

Steve knows, he knows he doesn't deserve it but he can't help himself when he says, "Forgive me?"

Slowly, Tony's shakes his head. He pulls back and looks up towards him, "Not yet." He says softly, almost apologetically and Steve could kick himself, of course Tony would feel bad. He doesn't have time to dwell because Tony takes a small step away from him, out of the circle of his arms and Steve can't help but feel disappointed.

Bucky is crouching near his rifle when Tony turns to him and Steve is tensing for another outburst but it never happens. 

"Do you remember?"

Bucky nods, so quick and tense it looks like it hurts. He opens his mouth to speak after a moment but Tony has already turned away. He isn't looking at either of them and Steve doesn't know how to fix whats been broken today but he knows he has to try. Tony deserves that much. 

"You came here to make peace. To compromise." He says, hoping it's not too late. Hoping he hasn't changed his mind, he has every right to. 

"Yeah. Are you willing?" He won't look at him but he's talking to him and that's a start.

"I'll do whatever it takes to fix this." And Steve hopes he knows he means everything. The lies, the accords, the betrayal, his parents. From the way Tony glances up at him, eyes sheltered but bright...he thinks maybe he does.

Maybe they can fix this.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me (@BlairIsTired) on Twitter, Tumblr and Insta. Ciao.


End file.
